Running towards a new future; a lost doctor
As I sat staring at my blood test results on my NHS app telling me at the tender age of my early thirties that my cholesterol is high and I am one point away from being deemed prediabetic, as a doctor, you go through the whole gamut of questions around why?
And yes early thirties is still young if you whipper snappers think my age has anything to do with it, so you can park that thought swiftly, thank you.
Is it my diet? I mean sure, Christmas was not too long ago, I went on a very long trip around Japan which was filled with food. I could do with eating more vegetables, true. But I rarely drink alcohol, rarely snack and in all honesty my portion control is borderline criminal according to my mum. Sure thing, I’ll do a food diary just to see.
Is it my weight? I don’t have any central obesity and my BMI is well within normal limits. If anything I can do with gaining weight…
Is it a lack of exercise? I’m a GP and play around with computers a lot. I like my social media and Netflix. This all leads to an awful lot of well sitting with cups of tea. I would have said that a few years ago but I consistently run at least 3 times a week with a minimum of 1.5 hrs of high intensity exercise, precisely to avoid this scenario from occurring.
Genetics? Sure, that was the reason why I had asked my GP for the blood tests, let’s get that referral.
But my cholesterol is ridiculously high, and not quite referral threshold to seriously consider that purely genetics are to blame. My HBA1c too, the standard belief is that it’s all related to weight and diet and I am okay on all these fronts.
No there was something else afoot.
I was stressed and had been stressed for a very long time.
As a medic, there is a degree of just keep going no matter what. Apart from one instance where I had a mental breakdown, wholly due to someone else in my life, and few years as an FY3-4 (“gap” years between foundation training which you’re expected to complete after finishing medical school and specialty training), I had been on the treadmill of training for years, almost 15 years in total.
Even in my FY3-4 years, I knew I would return back. Because…well I’m not entirely sure why and that’s the reason why this blog exists.
The stress of facing “what the hell am I going to do now?”as a fully qualified GP started in my last year of training. Whilst I am immensely grateful and dare I say it, proud to have reached where I am, I am no wiser as to what I want to do with my life.
What on earth are you talking about, you’re a GP, you’ve made it!
A number of events in my life and people/patients I have met have unfortunately broken my little bubble of “stop dreaming, shut up and put up”. I had spent years suppressing any thought of “there has to be more, this is not the life I have envisioned for myself”.
Quite successfully may I add, I got here after all. Getting though GP training is not a walk in the park.
However, there was a little voice in me which would cruelly pipe up now and again which would whisper
“You managed to get this far doing something you don’t feel a great deal of passion for…
…imagine what you can make of yourself doing something you really loved”.
What a b**** of a voice, eh? And all it did was kept getting louder and louder until I could ignore it no more.
And now I actually have to do something about it.
So join me as I try and figure out a career for myself as a doctor who is not entirely sure where she is going with it all.
(I also like to run so will talk about that too along with discussing general practice in the UK and what it’s really like…basically I’m just going to throw in a good natter as it were)
Ciao x
P.S. those links are some good articles on stress and the impact it has on cholesterol and glucose regulation. I have not critically appraised them fully but seem reliable enough.
